martes, 19 de julio de 2011

¿Realidad o Ficción?

Abis me acaba de dejar el comentario que pegaré debajo, te responderé por partes, pero antes que nada, quiero decirte a tí y a todos los que leen Biografía No Autorizada del Frerard, que esto es un Fan Fiction, no es real, quizás se cite algunos hechos reales como conciertos, fotos, pero todo es sacado de mi cabeza, vale empecemos:

Hola no se si es aqui donde tengo que preguntar pero bueno si no ya me dirás donde: Es sobre Frerard, yo tengo un problema para distinguir realidad y ficcion jeje tengo un par de dudas Es verdad que como cuentas en el fic que Lyn-z y Gerard se conocian de la universidad?? Es que yo habia leido que se habian conocido en la gira projekt revolution.

Eso es ficción, lo inventé, pero más adelante me entere de lo siguiente: Gerard y Lynz estudiaron en NY pero no en la misma universidad, pero sí en la misma especialidad. G se graduó en el 99, Lynz no estoy segura ,pero no, que yo sepa no se conocieron en la U, si no en una gira por el año 2003, mientras promocionaban el Bullets y anticipaban el Revenge, MCR actuó de teloneros para MSI en una pequeña gira por USA y se conocieron ahí. Por eso en Summertime dice "through six years down in crowded rooms" (2010-6=2003) estaba segura de haber visto un afiche de este concierto pero no lo encuentro Dx Según las mismas palabras de G en el Project Revolution del 2007 "continuaron con algo que habían dejado incompleto pero no olvidado" Ah y es esta cosa de la gira del 2003 por la cual muchas fans odian a Lindsey, según escuché por esos años MSI dio una entrevista y ella llamó a Gerard "un gordito con problemas" o algo así. Y ahora están casados, lol, lo que es la vida. No estoy segura si esa entrevista existe pero muchas me han hablado de esta D: preguntaré a ver si tienen el video - Creditos: Druska

Y lo del aborto d Lyn-z antes de tener a Bandit, es verdad?? 

Es ficcion.

Otra duda, tb habia leido que la relacion de Gerard y Eliza duro 5 años y tu en fic la haces más corta. Yo con esta relacion la verdad es que no me entero porque los videos de youtube donde el dice que esta prometido son de junio de 2007 se supone que habla de Eliza y tres meses despues esta casado con Lyn-z alguien me lo puede explicar???

Aparentemente Gerard terminó con Eliza por Lindsey, y esto lo explica la misma Eliza Cuts al escribir un "fan fiction" sobre esto, The black parade se convirtio en The black Pajama Party, ella se hace llamar Emma y Gerard es Paul, aqui te dejo su pequeño cuento, esta en ingles, si no lo entiendes puedes recurir a google traductor siempre.

This is my first stab at writing. I have been working on this story for years.. now, here it is. I have many more where this came from. At this juncture I would like to say that the stories and events in this story are not actual or real. They do not depict real events or real people. Enjoy.

Commit Me Already
By Eliza Siep..

It was 8 pm at the fitness center on the army base in Germany. Emma had locked the doors and closed up shop for the night. She was the front desk girl at the fitness center and often worked out after the gym was closed. Her husband was away at war and had been gone for months. She thought about her abusive relationship with him frequently. She feared that he would return from war and actually kill her this time. She gave him three chances to get help and he refused on the grounds that she deserved the frequent beatings. She left Germany and her husband a month later while he was still at war. She hasn't seen the whites of his eyes since...

That night at the gym something special was to happen. As she was on the elyptical trainer she flipped through a rock magazine that she had purchased a day prior. She was reading an article on one of her favorite bands and there it was, a tiny picture of 5 guys. She stared at what appeared to be the lead singer for what felt like 5 miniuts. He was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. She couldn't quit staring at the picture. She glanced at the band name and smiled at how clever and perfect it was.. Black Pajama Party. She left the gym after the work out and promptly went home afterwards. She looked up the new band on there website. She liked the music ok but loved the bands esthetic.

She kept up on the band a little and when she got back to the states they were the first band she went to see. Thye were opening for the opener and she traveled and hour and a half to see them. This was a dingy rock club that she found vile but frequented none the less based on the fact that it had the best shows. Emma stood at the merch area looking over Black Pajama Party t-shirts. At this time the lead singer happened to stumble up. He gave Emma the once over as her heart dropped to the bottom of her stomach. He pointed at one of th shirts and said to her, "you should get that one... I designed it". Emma's reply was, "I don't thin I am tough enough for that one..." He said, "you look like you are. Get that one in an extra small". He was piss drunk and very smelly. She didn't get a shirt that night and she most defiantly was not and had never been and extra small, ever. She thought about the small exchange and wondered if she had just been hit on. She hadn't been hit on in a long time. The next morning over coffee with her mother she relayed the t-shirt event and told her mother she might just have a crush. The show the night before had been outstanding and she had yet to see a band with as much intensity as this band had to offer. There were 12 people there that night and to this day that experience was one of her favorite ever. It was safe to say that the other 11 people would probably agree with her...

Soon after the show Emma enrolled in cosmetology school. She always loved doing hair and wasn't actually that bad at it. She needed to do something with her life and the seperation with her husband had left her with the feeling that she wanted to do something special with her life. At the entrance interview she was asked what her goal was with hair. Would she want to own her won shop one day or something like that..She said, "I want to do the hair for my favorite band..." The whole room chuckled at her absurd nature. Her reaction, "No, I am serious.

Emma was a horrible student. She skipped school, fought and never really payed to close attention. At 22 years old she really had no excuse for herself other that the fact that she was home schooled and that was laughable at best... Emma worked, went to school and went to shows. Everyone wanted a haircut from her and she did them for little or no money. She took her shears to shows and cut hair for her friends outside before and after the shows. One day one of the bands asked for haircuts and everything snowballed after that. She soon built up a reputation and never traveled anywhere without her shears. She grew a love affair with cutting hair and excelled at it. Emma felt on top of the world doing what she wanted to do, hair for musicians...

The band that she loved was doing well. They had since released a new record and it was taking off. Emma decided to purchase a ticket to the up and coming fall tour they had. They were opening and she didn't care, she just wanted to see her favorite band. October 18th arrived and she could hardly wait. Emma had told everyone at school that the lead singer was the love of her life and she told them all that she was going to find him and tell him she wanted him. There was $25.00 on the table as part of the bet and she had every intention of winning the money. Emma drove the 4 hours that it took to get to the show and waited in line and came in with the rest of the concert goers. Emma and her friend walked in and surveyed the scene. It was a large show for Emma and she wasn't really comfortable there. Emma left her friend to use the bathroom. Walking to the bathroom a bunch of the tours crew eyeballed her and said less than classy things. On her way back from the bathroom the lighting guy stopped her and said, "Hey beautiful, wanna comeback to the bus after the show and drink with me?" She got a discusted look on her face and kept walking. A few steps later she realized that this was her chance and turned on her heels. She tapped the guy on the shoulder and said, "I will comeback to the bus but, I will not be drinking..." He said ok, left and came back out with VIP passes for Emma and her friends. He let them watch from the elevated sound booth. Emma loved this band and beamed while they played. She schemed in her head how she was going to go backstage with her pass and talk to the object of her school girl crush. The two girls watched the whole show and then went to the car to leave. Emma got to the car and said, "We cant go yet, there is something I have to do..." She marched back to where the busses were with the force of 1,000 armies. She scanned the area and was trying her best to not look like a stalker or a groupie. She told her friend what she needed to do and she bet Emma she wouldn't do it. Emma spotted the guitarist of the Black Pajama Party, he was talking outside of the bus with some fans. She walked up to him, leaving her friend behind. Emma struck up a conversation with him and he looked at her very unimpressed with her shtick. Emma decided to level with the kid and said, "Look, I wanna tell your lead singer...." and under her breath she said what she planned on saying. He laughed and said he would be right back. Emma stood there in the cold outside of the bus this time deffinatley looking like a groupie. He ran on the bus and yelled,"Hey Paul, you gotta see this chick..." The guitarist came back out and then Paul came out. Paul was hunched over with his eyes down. He lit his cigerette and looked up at Emma. He looked once, twice and them a third time. He looked at her like he knew her. Paul said "What are you doing here?" Emma said, "I came to see a show..." She then stuck out her hand and said, "Hi, my name is Emma... And I was wondering if you would like to fornicate and engage in premarital sexual relations..." He looked down and chuckled a nervous laugh. Pauls reply, "do you have email?" Emma said yes and they exchanged email addresses. They didn't talk much, he complimented her hair, she complimented his everything. Emma told him she did hair and she wanted to do his. They made loose plans to see each other again. His tour manager came out a few times to check on him and Emma loudly and with no shame said to basically leave them alone. It was time for the band to leave. His email in her hand she ran off to reconviene with her friend. They hysterically laughed at the exchange the two had had. Emma stared at the email address the whole way home and she wrote and rewrote the first email to him in her head a million times. The next day she wrote Paul her first email. She appoligized for being so forward although she wasn't very sorry she figured it was ladie like to save some face. She filled the email with clever dark jokes he was sure to get and then she hit send...

3 days later Emma had a reply. Thump, thump, thump. Her heart pounded out of her chest as she hit the open button. The email was short and to the point. He commented on her humor and at the end he asked if she had AOL instant messanger. He gave his screen name and she laughed at the dark turn this story was taking. Emma didn't know that Paul had purchased a Sidekick 2 in order to keep in better contact with well, a girl he met in a small town for 5 miniuts. Emma didn't have a screen name and never had. Emma replied to the email with much haste. Soon she had another email from Paul. He again asked if she had a screen name. Emma asked if he had a myspace, he didn't so after a few more emails she made and AOL screen name. Emma only had one buddy on her buddy list ... it was Paul. Oddly enough, he was online when she signed on for the first time. She wrote something fast and funny. Emma didn't really know where this relationship was going but it broke the manotany of school, work and collecting Halloween decorations. They made plans to see each other a few months later. They talked frequently and for hours on AIM but never on the phone. His replies to her messages were spaced far apart and were speratic. Emma forced conversation on him and they developed quite a little friendship. One day she told him she loved to text and he asked for her number. One minute later she had a text from him in her inbox. She smiled, this Paul was odd but in the best possible way...

The night before she was to see him for the first time in months he dropped the bomb. Paul told Emma he had a girlfriend and that he never wanted her to think that he had ill intentions towards her. He didn't want to come across as a creep. Hum, she was perplexed, she had always assumed he was gay. Apon further thought about the conversation she decided he had a crush on her due to the fact that he felt a need to say that he wasn't trying to be a creep. He was a total creep, Emma loved it... The next morning Emma collected herself, slapped on an overabundance of make-up per usual, packed her friends into her car and drove 3 hours to visit her pen pal. Emma had been trying to reach Paul all day. At 5pm he awoke just as she parked the car. Pail sent his bodyguard to retrive Emma and her friends. He gave them passes and took them up to the VIP balcony. Emma sat and watched the opening band and then she got a whiff of a pungent smell that came over her shoulder and into her nose. Something in her head said turn around, it was him, it was Paul. They were excited to see eachother and talked for a few minuets. He needed to leave to get ready for the show. Emma understood and was just happy to be there. A bit later the security guy came to get Emma and her friends and took them to the stage to watch the show. Emma was excited and impressed at how well the band had taken off. She had never liked anything that had become cool before. Paul and Emma were like two ships passing in the night that night. She came under the pretense of doing his hair. She cut hair for some of the crew and went on her way. She made plans to see Paul a few days later in another city. The two talked online some and texted when she wasn't near a computer. A few days later she and her friend jumped in the car once again and drove 5 hours to the show. Paul texted her and told her to meet him by the busses. She and her friend walked into the dark alley where the busses were parked. Out of the darkness she heard a whistle. It was Paul, she was extatic to see him. Paul walked the two inside and up to the dressing room. It was just the three of them. Emma loved Pauls sweater so she made him take it off and she put it on. Emma looked rather cute in it and she didn't want to give it back. She did and then prepared to cut Pauls hair. Band members came in and out of the room as did the crew. They were never really charmed by Emma and acted almost put off that she was there. Later on one of the guys made a comment about Emma to Paul. He assured them they were just friends. He told the band and crew she was gay, she was not. Clever on his behalf ...

The haircut was magic if she did say so herself. He looked amazing. Paul gave her a shout out from the stage for the haircut and for being his friend. After the show she and he friend drove through the night and got home just in time to shower and head to school. At 3 pm the next day while giving a spa pedicure she couldn't take it anymore, broke down and texted him. Emma promised herself she wouldn't contact him. Oh man, she knew she had fallen for this one. This couldn't end well she said to herself... They didn't talk everyday anymore but frequently enough to keep her well, from going nuts. Time passed and she sprung and idea on Paul. What if she went on tour and cut hair for the bands and fans. Just take what she was currently doing and do it on a much larger scale. He agreed that the idea was brilliant and agreed to help her out. He put in a good word for her to the owner of the largest summer tour and they began talks of Emma joining the summer tour...

The next time she went to see Paul she arrived armed with a vision for new hair for him. Emma called it the blood of Christ...It was an upside down tear drop in the shade of blood red to sit on the top of his long hair. She drove with a friend 5 hours to get to Paul that day. Emma arrived tired and pushed through it. Paul and Emma decided to do his hair at the hotel after the show. Emma followed Paul into his room that he was sharing with his brother who was also in the band. His brother seemed oblivious to the fact that Emma and her friend were there. Her friend stayed in the room and Emma and Paul headed to the bathroom to begin his hair. They spent hours talking and Emma felt for the first time in her life someone understood her. They had an unspoken undeniable connection. They finished in the wee hours of the morning. He hadnt kissed her because he knew that if he did it would royally mess up everything forever. She hadn't kissed him because of his girlfriend whom he hadn't mentioned since the first time. She wondered if he actually had a girlfriend. He probably didn't she thought but who knew. All she knew is there was a connection there like none she had ever felt before. They were both sober from drinking and drugs. He had a handful of months clean and she had a handful of years clean. Paul asked Emma if she wanted to stay the night in the room and at this point it was so early she had to. Getting in her last flirty comments of the night she went to bed. He was a gentalman, he gave the girls the bed and he slept on the floor. 2 hours later they awoke, he said goodbye to her and pat her on the head. He was off to take photos for the cover of a rock magazine and she was off back to the middle of nowhere where she lived. She and he friend were pulled over by the police 5 minuits later and she had quite the time explaining herself and why she was in town. This had turned out to be an expensive trip. She didn't care, she was in love...

Emma thought about Paul all of the time and he became a frequent topic of conversation amongst she and her friends. He dropped her a line while she was on her way home that day. It said how much he loved his hair and he said his newfound confidence was making him stand up straighter. She was happy and couldn't think of a better compliment. Emma made a promise to herself that the next time she had the chance she would tell him of her feelings despite the consequences. Emma saw Paul a month later driving once again 3 and a half hours just to be there. This time he acted differently, avoided and ignored her. He seemed almost... Nervous. As soon as she left they texted until she passed out on the car ride home. Paul told Emma how much he valued her frienship. It was at that show one of his crew mentioned her being gay, "what are you talking about?" she questioned. "Paul told us all about you being gay." "I am not," she laughed. Puzzled as to why he would tell everyone that. After that night Paul and Emma didn't talk to frequently. She understood and didn't like it one bit, her heart was on the line here...

Time passed and she soilified the deal to tour over the summer. Oddly enough she was to be on the same tour as Black Pajama Party. It was her first job after school and she was bother nervous and excited. Soon after that she went to go and see him once again. This time the tour was bigger, they were opening for a massive band in an arena. It was odd pulling up to the show and she was so nervous she lost the feeling in her hands. She wanted to put an end to this whole friendship but she was in to deep now. She took her two best friends to the show. They all hung out and were having a good time. At one point Paul shoots up and says, "I have to call my girlfriend..." Emma took this like a shot to the stomach. As he walked away her friends whispered about how he was in love with her, they could tell. It was how he looked at her. A crew member asked where Paul was and Emma told him Paul was on the phone with his girlfriend. He laughed and said, "His girlfriend... yea right..." Emma acted unfased and continued having a good time. At one point after he returned they had a private meeting on the bus. She told him her plans for his hair and drew it for him. She knew he was a lier or madly in love with her when he actually said her drawing was good. It was not. Emma didn't get to do his hair that night but she knew she would have a chance within the next few days. She left the show and couldn't sleep. She never could after seeing him. Emma and her friends went to the show the next night. Typically now, he ignored her all night. Emma had invited her sister to meet her at the show. She wanted her sister to meet him. Her sister found him aquward and odd. Emma found him perfect. Emma and Paul hardly spoke and the tour manager told her to meet Paul at the next city for there day off. At this point Emma hadn't slept in days. She and her friends jumped in the car once again for another 5 hour road trip... An hour outside of the city she got a hold of Paul, he told her not to come and he was upset about the misscomunication. Emma was livid and demanded to come. After an hour on the phone with Paul at a rest stop outside of the city she was on her way. Emma and her friends rented there own hotel room in the same hotel as the band. Emma and her friends headed over to Pauls room. After sometime she told her friends to get lost. They got wise and left. She started on his hair and they began flirting. He was bad at it, she wasn't. his brother whom he was sharing a room with once again was in and out. While Pauls color was sitting on his head his brother agreed to a much needed haircut by Emma thus breaking the ice between them. After the haircut his brother left for the night not returning the hotel room again that night. Emma got nervous, she broke the water handle to the tub and they had to change rooms. The tension was so thick in the air that night it could be cut with a knife. Paul flicked and flicked her belt buckle and she begged him to stop. He kept looking up at her begging her to do something about it with his eyes. She warned him of the consequences and he flirted with her anyway. At one point she layed across the bed next to his and he asked, "so what kind of under ware do you have on anyway..." She laughed, told him and picked right back up talking as if nothing had happened. At the end of the night after she had talked herself dry she sat down next to him on the floor. She was no longer content with just being his friend. She took a deep breath and said, "There is something I have to tell you... I like you, I mean I like, like you like you..." He said, "That's ok, its not really that big of a problem..." Emma looked him in the eye and said, "It is a problem because you like me to..." "Oh" he said with a deep breath. "Yes, you are right but friends have crushes on friends all of the time..." "Not so much..." She said. "What are we going to do." Emma asked. Pauls reply was,"Nothing, I am in love with my girlfriend." "Your lying but that's ok tonight." Emma and he talked about it for a little bit longer. It go aquward after that night more so than it already was. He knew that she knew and she could read him like a book. Shortly after that she had finished his hair. Her friend had stopped by to see the masterpiece on his head. She was drunk and comical. She spouted something about how the two would look good together. She then probed Paul about his girlfriend. He was short and got nervous responding to her questions. Emma pushed her out of the room and said her goodbyes to Paul. She went to her room and cried. Emma loved a man who couldn't love her back. She wanted to get in her car and drive far and fast. Never to be seen again. She relived the story to her friends the next morning after yet another sleepless night. Emma tried whipping the embarrassment from her face and actually went to the show the next day. Paul acted sheepish. Emma cut hair backstage and tried to keep her cool. Neither of them would have won an academy award that night.

... They talked a total of 3 times over the next months before the summer tour was to begin. 6 days after she spent 6 hours and hundreds of dollars doing his hair he cut it all off and colored it. Emma didn't know if this was a personal slap in the face but she sure did take it a one... The tour started. Emma was paralyzed by the fear of spending 2 full months on the same tour as Paul. All bets were off. Let the games begin and the chips fall as they may. Emma had a Sidekick 2 now and it took her 3 whole days on the tour before she ran into him. Her heart stopped beating when she saw him that morning. Paul and Emma said hello like two adults and then he did the unthinkable, he said "Thanks for saying what you said to me. I realized I am in love with my girlfriend and we are trying to work it out..." "That's great..." Emma lied. After a few more minits of the bone crushing conversation the two parted ways. In Emmas mind she thought, "... and good mourning to you jerk and p.s. YOUR HAIR SUCKS.."

The two saw each other here and there and got into the habit of talking on aim for hours every night on there Sidekicks after bus call. She watched his bands show everyday either from the stage or from the crowd. One day a few weeks into the tour she saw him by his tour bus and begged him to go to an on tour AA meeting with her. They attended the meeting and spent the rest of the night walking around the parking lot talking about the past, the present and the future.

Emma didn't sleep much for two months and called her friends back home to frequently to cry to them about the antics of Paul. She was convinced he enjoyed watching her squirm. There were good things happening on the tour. Pauls brother and Emma had developed a rather interesting and platonic friendship. Emma also began to be partially exepted by the rest of the band. They never knew what to think of her really. Emma and Paul did see each other a lot somedays and not at all on others. A few other guys had paid her attention at this point but alas, none of them were Paul. She didn't even know why she liked him at this point all he offered was nothing but comfusion and self esteem issues... As the tour wrapped up they talked more and more every night on there Sidekicks. One day on the tour Emma met Paul and his brothers mother and father. Emma cut his mothers hair that day and as she did Emma made a bold statement saying, "I am going to marry your son Paul one day..." His mother laughed at her blateant insanity and asked her if Paul knew of her feelings. The exchange was the beginning of a love affair with his family. Great, just what she needed...

The last day of tour Emma watched the band from the sound booth. She felt like Paul could only see her in the crowd of thousands. He did the set for her that day. That night she made a point to make her way over to his bus to say a proper goodbye. Paul had made it a point to basically ignore her almost the entire tour and she didn't care. She knew not when they were to see each other again. Emma waited until they were alone and said thank you. The tour had made all of her wildest dreams come true. She left him there, she was his greatest fan, her greatest love to date. That night at 3am he logged on to aim. They talked for hours and hours about her for once, about her life, where she was from and so on. When she arrived home she took pictures of the farm where she lived and sent them to him. Emma let him in. The two knew each other so well but didn't know each other at all. Emma in an act of rebellion towards herself took her signature platinum and multicolored hair to almost black...

Time passed with little to no word from Paul. She needed the forced break from him as well as a break from the mixed signals and having her heart sent through a paper shredder on a frequent basis. Although she wasn't talking to Paul she did frequently speak with his brother. Emma did however, send Paul a letter the night he didn't win an award he was up for. She may have been salty but she wasn't heartless and at the end of the day they were still friends...

For the fall headlining tour the band had Emma planned on making a cameo at a show 2 and a half hours away. Emma and her best friend took her car and arrived at the show only to find Emma was not on the guest list. She felt as though someone had shot her in the face at close range. A million things ran through her mind. Maybe it was finally over, a final message from Paul to get out of his life forever. Emma reached Pauls brother and didn't even bother trying Paul. She and her friend got into the show and weren't allowed backstage. Emma locked herself in the bathroom stall and cried hysterically for 20 miniuts. In retrospect, this would be known in her mind as when she started to crack, she actually wasn't the same again... She drove back home defeated that night. He had won. The next day over aim she let his brother have a piece of her mind. Emma explained herself and the situation and he begged her to come to the show the following day. How could she say no... what did she have to lose at this point anyway. She and her friend went only to see Pauls brother with no intentions on seeing Paul. She prayed all night the night before to be released of this love she had for Paul. She begged of god to see his true colors and to be shown a sign that this long journey was over...

Emma enjoyed the show with her friend and hung out when she could with Pauls brother. Avoiding Paul at all costs she hung out in the opening bands dressing room. Paul caught wind of her being there and he came to the other dressing room to see Emma. For the love of God why was he coming to where she was... He arrived, he walked in and she finally saw how beautiful he actually was. Paul actually didn't take his eyes off of her that night. The two talked a bit but flirted more. He was bold that night and she met him where he was. Emma left and 5 miniuts later right on cue Paul logged on aim and they talked for hours again but this time Paul was actually honest with his feelings towards her. He said it was sexual tension, that was there problem... no more, no less. She agreed half heartedly and didn't actually sleep that night. Emma promised herself to write him a letter once a day after that night. After his confessions to her Paul disappeared. Emma wrote and wrote each day pouring her heart into every letter. The letters told of her days, her nights and everything imbetween. Paul never replied, not to one. He read each word of every letter and read them again sometimes. She sent pictures of her having fun and of all of the adventures she was having...

One day her already sick grandfather became very ill. Emma turned to the only place her heart would allow and begged paul to walk her through this. He knew of death rather well and her grandfather was about to pass. Paul held her hand and walked her through the motions. It was because of Pauls advice that she spent some amazing time with her grandfather before he passed... Emma needed to move. She and her bestfriend picked a new city 8 hours and went. Emma documented the whole thing for Paul via her long letters daily with pictures... October 18th came and a year had past since this crazy ride had begun. This day was particulary hard and Emma wanted to drink for the first time in years. Paul had her whole heart in a vise grip for a year. After 5 years of not smoking a cigrette she drove to the store and bought a pack. As she was buying them Paul logged on his aim. She explained her emotions and now she had made the decision to smoke. Paul would never get it, or maybe he would, she didn't know and he didn't care. That night she wrote her finally letter of the series. It was a first person account of there relationship up until this point. All of her feelings and emotions in one overdramatic letter. At the very end she closed with, "I am in love with you..." There, she finally said it. Blammo. There it was in black and white and she couldn't take it back.

She heard nothing for a month, typical and half expected. On the night of her 6th sober birthday he logged online. Emma was trying to cut the hair of a band that was in town. He logged online just to tell her happy birthday and that he didn't love her back. They fought for a few hours and ended the long night with jokes and flirting. After that she found a local doctor to help her with her mental state. Emma was convinced that she had made up the love affair with Paul in her head and that she was an obsessed fan about to crack. The doctor told her she was bi polar, not shocking. She didn't go on medication and didn't go back to that doctor again... Soon after her grandfather passed. She mourned, they had been close. Even though Paul had made his wishes known Emma continued to get close with his brother. They made it a point to not talk about Paul. Emma and Pauls brother became the best of friends and shared every detail of there lives with eachother. Emma visited Pauls brother frequently and they even took a mini road trip together. Emma desperately tried to forget Paul, to actually leave well enough alone for once in her life. She would stand in the shower and try and wash Paul off of her skin, nothing worked.

Emma took a trip just to visit Paul's brother at one of there shows. It was there once again she saw Paul. This time was different than the others. Paul asked Emma if she was going to come back to the bus and hang out after the show. "No." she said, " I am going to hang out with your brother tonight." Emma did just that and had an amazing time. After she left that night Paul messaged her on her Sidekick. Emma threw her hands in the air while inside screaming… ISURRENDER!

Emma the following night met who was soon to be her new boyfriend. She had dated a few guys in the year prior but nothing seemed to amount to much. Emma was excited about the new prospect. She left Paul to his own devices and gave him a much needed break from her persistent behavior. Emma's relationship was short lived and lacked no fireworks. With her relationship freshly over Emma flew to visit Paul's brother, her best friend and in her mind, he was like her own brother. Emma visited him a few times for extended stays because he wasn't on tour. Emma was having the time of her life, she was finally living!

While staying with Paul's brother Paul visited them. Paul and Emma got a little alone time together and they spoke as friends. It was the first time Pal had visited his brother's apartment and his brother in sometime. It was odd to everyone that he happened to stop by while Emma was staying there. Maybe he needed her to?

Emma grew so close with Paul's brother that she never wanted to leave his side. Paul's brother gave Emma gifts and airplane tickets and above all else friendship. Emma had set up a tour job on a tour for the end of the winter into the spring. Emma almost didn't leave Paul's brother that day the tour was leaving but, she did.

It was a fresh start for Emma, or so she thought. A new tour, a new job, new people and sometime away. Just what Emma needed. Paul and Emma began talking again a month into the tour. Emma wrote Paul as a last ditch effort to save his brother. Paul's brother was drinking way too much. Emma was convinced he was an alcoholic on the brink of something awful and probably fatal. Emma spent many nights that month staying awake with her drunken best friend until he passed out just to make sure he was ok. Emma's email was short to Paul asking for his help. His reply was swift and a few hours later he called Emma. They talked for a few hours. Emma wanted to leave the tour to help. It was killing her to be so far away while all of this was going on. Paul was sober, Emma was sober and now they wanted to help his brother. Paul and Emma talked all day every day after this, something had changed, and he saw how much she cared.

When the tour came through Paul's home town Emma had a day off and Paul refused to come and see her. A fight broke out between the two of them. Emma locked herself in the hotel bathroom in tears for 5 hours. Paul was violently passionate about Emma and yet refused to see her. He lay on his bed for hours depressed and confused. Emma that night had a chance to hang out with her best friend, Paul's brother. His brother joined the tour for a few days after that to spend time with Emma and some other friends. This time spent with him eased the blow of Paul's decision to not see her. Paul and Emma continued to talk all day everyday despite the fight. They talked about his brother and the progress that he was making.

One day while joking around with Emma Paul made a comment, he alluded to the fact that he was surprised that with all of this time he had never gotten a picture of her that was well, sexy. Emma laughed and went to the bathroom and snapped a proactive picture of her. She hit the send button with a massive grin on her face. What was she thinking? Paul was at dinner and when he returned online to talk with Emma she urged him to check his inbox. Emma expected a reply of disgust from Paul. His actual reply, "SEND MORE!" Paul said jump, and Emma said how high? She spent the rest of the night taking pictures and talking to Paul. She had grown accustom to following her heart and not her head.

Paul and Emma talked most of the day and more every night every day. They went to bed at the same time and woke up at the same time. They had inside jokes and made plans to one day meet in secrecy at a museum and spend the day together without touching.

Paul and his band left to a new city to write and begin recording of their next record. When Emma's tour came through town Paul's brother and Emma met and ate dinner. Paul refused to see Emma that night but told his brother he could bring her by to where they were staying if he wanted. Paul's brother knew very little of the situation between Paul and Emma. He did although mention to Emma that Paul was acting odd and he got a glazed look over his eyes when frequently speaking to Emma.

Paul's brother was working had at getting sober, getting help and seeming to be getting better. Emma's friends grew concern for her, they never knew the whole story but even from a distance they knew she wasn't well. Emma lost friends due to her close relationships with the brothers. One night on tour an intoxicated friend pinned her to the bed and said, "Quit spending all of your time talking to him…. He is never going to leave his girlfriend for you. Spend time with us, your friends that are here right now." She was right, maybe for the first time someone had been 100% honest with her. Emma actually couldn't stop, maybe she was addicted and delusional. Emma continued with no mind or care of the consequences.

After the tour was over Emma packed up her things for a long term stay with Paul's brother. She wanted to be by his side and needed to be there. Paul, his brother and the rest of the band were in Europe for a few days when Emma arrived. She waited there for them to return. Emma and Paul talked on aim while he was in Europe. During one heated and intense conversation Emma said what had been on the tips of her lips for some time now. She called Paul a cheater. He denied the claim, a fight broke out and within moments he told her to leave, and he never wanted to speak or to see her again. In an instant he was gone. It was finally over. She would do just as he asked and make plans to leave as soon as possible. A few minutes later Paul collected himself, logged back online and took back when he had said. Emma was emotionally and mentally exhausted.

With their arrival from Europe the band came back to the temporary apartments. Emma made herself scarce that night with intentions to avoid Paul. Emma lived there with Paul's brother and his fiancé. A few weeks passed and although living in the same apart complex Emma and Paul had successfully avoided each other. One night after much coaxing Paul came over to his brother's apartment to visit with Emma. Every single time Paul was in Emma's presence her senses were heightened and her heart jumped through her chest. They talked through hours over coffee and as much as she wished it wasn't there her feelings for him were stronger than ever. He left that night and they didn't see each other again until a few days later. She and he ran into each other in the hallway of the apartment complex. Emma was having a slumber party with another one of the band members at his apartment across the hall from Paul.

A few days later Paul and the band played a show 2 hours away. Emma went with Paul's brother and his fiancé. Paul and she avoided each other the whole night. After the show was over and they had parted for the night Paul logged online and talked to Emma well into 4am in the morning. It was in this conversation that Paul asked if she would like to spend the night at his apartment in the future. Her answer was a resounding, "YES!" He explained she would need to stay over after a visit from his girlfriend. It was strange to Emma that Paul's girlfriend was coming for a visit. Emma had met her once before for a brief moment and didn't want to revisit the experience. Emma and a group of friends left town over the time Paul's girlfriend was there. It killed Emma to do so but she had no other choice.

Paul's brother was doing well; he was regaining his mental and physical health and started to resemble his old self again.

The night arrived when Emma was to spend the night in Paul's apartment. She spent hours getting ready waiting for the band to return from the studio. She made Paul's brother escort her to Paul's apartment that night. He dropped her off and she walked in. Was this actually happening? After everything that had happened were the two to actually spend the night together? Paul had made his intentions clear and he stood by his word to act like a gentleman. Emma sat in the chair across from the couch where Paul sat. Paul and Emma spoke as friends. Paul had a new camera and took pictures of Emma sitting there. She was reluctant and camera shy. The two moved into the bedroom where they pulled out clothes from his closed and as Emma sat on the bed Paul said, "You know, this bed is huge, you can sleep here with me if you want." In a split second Emma said, "Ok." She feared if she said another word it might change his might. They soon turned in for the night. Laying on total opposite ends of the bed they laid there and spoke in the dark. Emma told Paul he wasn't happy. She spoke of his relationship with his girlfriend in a very candid manner. Her lips spoke the truest and heartfelt thing she had ever said, "I don't know if you will choose to be with me or with her, I will love you regardless. I have a love for you that is called, "agape." The most pure love a human can have. Whatever your choice may be, I will stand by you8 and trust that you made the right decision even if it means that we can never speak again." Tears streamed down her face and she refused to look at him with the fear he would also have tears in his eyes. The two actually talked all night and neither of them slept. Emma asked if she could stay the following night, Paul agreed. That morning one of the band members came by Paul's room to pick him up for recording. Paul let him in and he busted Emma in Paul's bed.

Emma knew no one would believe the story that they had "just talked" all night. Emma slept most of the day that day while Paul recorded in the studio. That night Paul's brother once again walked Emma over to Paul's place. Paul and Emma went to bed soon after she arrived. Paul told Emma he would sleep on the couch as to avoid any temptations. They had a brief spat about this and ended up in the same bed together again. Neither of them were tired, fueled by the powers of lust and love.

Emma challenged Paul to a wrestling match and she won three times. On the third she sat on top of him pinning his hands to the bed. Emma was hysterically laughing at her victory and then she stopped. Emma looked down at Paul and moved her face next to his. She tried to kiss him and he turned away. She tried again and this time he kissed her back. In Emma's mind the earth was shaking and the walls were soon to bleed. She expected the heavens to open and the end of the world to talk place. It was the most passionate kiss she had ever had. The two actually could not stop kissing. After almost two years of being drug behind a car by her toe nails through the rocks and mud… and now, this?!? Paul confessed that although there was a new development in their relationship he was choosing to stay with his girlfriend. Emma would tragically take whatever she could get from Paul for he was actually the love of her life.

Paul's brother and Emma had long intense conversations and even fought due to this new trend of Paul and Emma. Emma was losing her best friend. It hurt, it all hurt. Emma and Paul would sneak around and it made the two of them feel filthy. Neither of them put a stop to the behavior. Emma had moved out of Paul's brother apartment and into Paul's. The two slept very little despite the dire need for rest. The two soon made plans for Emma to return back to her home on the grounds that they would not to be seeing each other again until they were both single. Paul made no promises to Emma and she left not knowing their fate.

The day after Emma arrived home Paul acted distant all day. That night as Emma watched TV Paul broke the news to her that he was now single. He was a shattered and empty man. Emma wept, not for the joy of the victory of the end of the suffering but she wept for the other woman. How could her actions be party to so much pain? Paul needed time to clear his head and requested three days away with no contact with Emma. The room went black and she envisioned the worst. Emma wanted to sleep for the three days if it was possible. She got into the car with a cold stare on her face; no tears ran from her eyes. She wanted an end. Sober for almost 7 years Emma decided to talk hundreds of sleeping pills. She purchased them at a local drug store and drove home. Paul's brother was worried about Emma and phoned Emma's roommate at work. Emma's roommate quickly left work and drove home. As Emma got out of her car Emma's roommate pulled up. Pills in hand the roommate yelled at Emma, "what are you doing?!?" Emma in tears cried out, "I just want to sleep." They stood in the street, held each other and cried. Emma took no pills that night and remained sober. Paul talked to Emma the following day and the day after purchased an airplane ticked for Emma to return to where he was.

As Emma departed the plane Paul was there to greet her. It was the first time she had seen him as a single man. Emma felt as if she had finally come home. They spent each sleepless night together talking and trying to repair the past. They spent the mornings dancing and singing over pots of coffee. They talked of the record, the artwork and concepts. She changed his hair and she changed her as well.

This time needed to be different for them to survive. They spent more time together than ever and made a point to spend no longer than 2 weeks at a time apart. The problem was Emma and her mind was already gone. The next few months were the best and worst they had spent. At their best they were electric and unstoppable and their worst was toxic. She traveled to see him frequently and the grueling schedules took a toll on them both.

Emma was crippled by depression and an obsession with death and suicide. She planned and planned her own death. How, when, where played like a broken record in her head. When Emma was up she danced and sang and acted out improve rolls of factious characters for Paul. Anything to make him laugh. Paul tried to work on his comics but frequently had his hands full with Emma never knowing which version of his love he would get. They were admittedly obsessed with each other. Unruly and in love.

They began making plans for the wedding and their future. They picked a spot they wanted to live and Emma packed. All of their ducks were in a row and Emma was all set to move with the plan that Paul would meet her there in the following weeks. Emma made one last trip to visit Paul on tour before the move. The trip was great from beginning to end. It was her birthday trip and he lavished her with gifts beyond her wildest dreams. A few days later they parted ways. They stayed up all night that night and spent the precious moments they had together. That morning he left and kissed her goodbye.

That was the last time they would ever see each other again.

Emma made the 10,000.00 move across the United States. She was on so many medications at this point that she drooled on herself, shook and couldn't connect thought. Miserable, her body and mind shut down. She prepared to die. A month after the move she took herself off of the medications because she hated the side effects. She had picked the day she would die. The day of her suicide she asked her friend to take her to the hospital on the grounds that she was gone. The only thing that stopped her from killing herself was a belief that if she took her own life she would spend all of eternity in hell burning for her unpardonable sin. Emma spent the day and night there and was released with a new hope of a new life. She had a new doctor and was starting with a plan to get back on her medication. Paul stood by her and never judged. This problem with her wore on him. They talked a bit and three days later, after the hospital event they talked to each other about the unbreakable love they had. They spoke of their mutual obsession with each other.

He needed to sleep. She said goodnight and they both said that they loved each other with unspeakable passion.

The next morning Paul sent Emma an email. He actually couldn't take it anymore. Paul said that they were not a compatible match. He was done. And like that he was gone. He changed his phone number that day and turned her phone off as well. Paul told her where she could send his things and made it clear she was not to come and chase after him.

Emma threw up and lost control. She screamed, "NO!" for hours and pulled her own hair out. She literally bashed her head into the wall near her bed. Emma cried for days so hard sometimes to the point where she would choke. She dug her own nails into the skin on her arms trying to rip her flesh off.

After the breakup her parents flew her to an island where they were staying for the summer. Emma got depressed one day and stumbled off on to an unmaintained beach distraught. She tried to cut her wrists there with some sharp pieces of wood. It didn't work and she wasn't happy.

After the trip her attitude changed a bit. She was still depressed but not to the same extent. Emma worked her best to pull it together. She made plans to move again. Emma picked a commune in a new city to get away for a bit. The commune had 5 homeless shelters and she worked there to help someone else. She needed to help someone else in order to help herself. Seeing people and serving food to people that actually have nothing actually made Emma feel as though she had everything. She wanted to live. Emma was most happy serving other people. Emma got on a lower dose of medication and saw doctors frequently. Things were up for her for the first time in a long time. Emma knew not of Paul, his whereabouts and or what he was doing. It was better that way. Emma started back up with one of her old boyfriends and planned to visit him for a week on tour. Before Emma left for tour Emma's mother told her that was something she needed her to know. She didn't want Emma to go on tour and hear it from someone else. Paul had gotten married.

Emma didn't go on that trip, she stayed back. She soon found a job outside of the commune and began to work. She moved and continued to work. She lied to her doctor and got him to prescribe her Xanax, Emma popped them frequently just to feel nothing. The hotels and clubs, drinking and drugs were soon to follow. Emma spent a month on hard drugs and got drunk daily after over 8 years sober. Emma had frequent nightmares of Paul. She knew nothing of him and she didn't want to know. Emma went to work drunk and went out every night. She jumped in the shower one night to get ready to go out and she had been drinking. As she shaved her legs she was so drunk that she slashed her legs 100 times with the razor. Blood was everywhere. Her bottom was soon to follow when she showed up to have surgery done drunk. Emma could have died that day and she didn't want to die anymore. Emma got sober again and saw a new light. She changed her playground and her playmates. Sobriety was had this time but she was armed with the fact that she had survived worse. Emma worked on herself but this time it had to be real. It was a matter of life and death. Emma had to work through her Paul issues with the fear that if she didn't she might drink or use again.

Everyone deals with things in their own way.

Her wish was to only remember the good times. The coffee pots, dancing, acting, mime outfits, Warhol, fire building, weddings, tattoos, plans of museums, leather gloves, red hair dye, the baby, raw clams, bathroom counter tops, peanut spots, gay pride flags and snow white costumes.

Father forgive us, we know not what we do.

Bueno gracias por leer y si no era aqui donde tenia que preguntar lo siento

De nada! espero haber podido sacarte de dudas, un abrazo.

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